Oh my dear god. I feel like the AFC 11 Div 2 GF is replaying in my mind.
"Smiley. Are you okay?" Opening my eyes, the first thing I see is Itache. That's enough to sober anyone up. Shooting up I look around the room, only to clutch my head in pain.
"No wonder. You hit your head pretty hard." I look at him and raise an eyebrow.
"Well done Sherlock."
"Listen, you need to speak to K1lled."
"I cant deal with this right now. In case you haven't noticed, I feel like the earth is exploding in my head! I cant deal with K1lled too."
"He's leaving tomorrow. Its now or never."
"I thought you hated K1lled."
"I…Its hard to explain."
"We have another hour." Itache looked at me and sighed.
"You'll hate me."
"You don't think that I already do?"
"I …I hated him because of how close he was to you. He got as close to you as I wanted to be. And I hated him for it. And I hated him because you loved him and not me."
"Don't. You wanted him and not me, so I hated him because I couldn't hate you. When I came back, and I saw how you were still madly in love with him, that you were willing to repress your own feelings for his sake...... it hit me how much I still loved you. "
"I might have said that I was over you, but I was far from it. I knew ev cared for me before I left, so I…I decided to take you back. K1lled didn't deserve you, even as just a friend. So I told ev I loved her and told her to break up with K1lled.
"She didn't agree. So I told her that you loved him. Then she hated you. You always got everything and she had the one thing that you couldn't have. Yet you still wanted it. Revenge is sweet isn't it. So she told K1lled. Maybe not how I planned but she still told him. And then he hated you. Ev got hurt but it was something I'd deal with later. But now…I want you to talk with K1lled because you're hurting. I cant stand to see you like this and if being with K1lled makes you happy, I've just got to accept it."
This must be the first time I've been rendered speechless.
"I…I don't know what to say. I…why?"
"People do stupid things when they're in love." As much as I hate to admit it, he was right.
"What time is he leaving tomorrow?"
"Okay, that gives me enough time to get my act together and see him."
"Five am Smiles."
"What?!" Leaping up from the chair, trying to ignore my headache, I reach for my bag and my coat, stuffing my letter in its pocket.
"What time is it?"
"Eleven! Where the hell is my mum? And ev?"
"Your mums car broke down, she called about half an hour ago, and ev is at k1tty's."
"I cant do this."
"You can. You love him."
"But does he love me?" Itache was silent. "I cant do it again. I cant go through it."
"Then do it so you can make sure."
"How the hell am I going to get through this?"
"You're Smiley. You'll think of a way." I smile at him.
"Don't be. Without you, he might not know, and I might not be doing this for another two years. Maybe never."
I look at him once last time before I leave the house. This is the last time I might ever speak to him. This is the last chance I'll get to tell him how I feel.
I would so much rather be facing a pack of lions.