I feel like I'm waiting for a bus. And on this oncoming bus is an executioner coming to hack my head off with a blunt axe.
In other words, I'm sitting on the couch, staring at a blank television screen and I'm waiting for ev to get back and murder me. Isn't life fun?
I hear a car pull up outside. I look out the window and see a taxi and ev getting out. I sit back down on the couch and she walks in. She dumps her umbrella down. Her eyes then meet with mine.
"What are you doing here?" I notice a venomous tinge to her voice.
"I live here too."
"Wish you didn't," I hear her mutter. Cow.
"Where have you been?"
"None of your business."
"Ah, I should've guessed. Been with Itache have you?" She straightens up and looks straight at me. "No retort?"
"Know what?" Feigning innocence. You idiot ev.
"About you and K1lled."
"There isn't anything between K1lled and I."
"You know what I mean. You love K1lled, even though he's with me."
"What does it matter? You don't love K1lled anymore. You cant. You love Itache." Namine's mouth thinned, but only for a moment.
"Don't be stupid Kairi."
"So you didn't mean it when you said to Itache that you loved him at the end of school today?" She didn't reply. "Your 2 year anniversary with K1lled is in 3 days in case you hadn't noticed, yet you're saying 'I love you' to the wrong person. Do you love K1lled?"
"There are no buts Namine. You cant love them both. You have to chose."
"What if I don't want to? If I let K1lled go, then you'll get him."
"But you'll have Itache."
"No, Smiley. I may love Itache and he may say that he loves me but he never will. It will always be you! If I let K1lled go, it'll be you and him in the end. And yeah, maybe I will be with Itache, but he'll never get over you."
"He doesn't need to tell me anything Smiley! I may not be the brightest person but I'm not dumb. The way he looks at you, the way he acts around you. Every time I tell him I love him or bring the subject up, he changes it or ignores what I said. And I know what happened on your 14. I saw you two in the Garden. Yeah, I had said to K1lled I loved him, but I knew I could never have Itache. And I was right, wasn't I? In the Garden, he told you he loved you, didn't he? I could tell. It was so obvious. But you turned him down, and I never bothered to think about why. I just thought you didn't love him and that was it. But now I know. I cant let K1lled go. I cant lose both of them to you."
"You wont lose K1lled to me. He loves you."
"I can fucking tell Smiley. He doesn't. Well, not as much anymore. When he found out he was moving to the EU, he realised he didn't want to leave this place. He had something to stay behind for. And it isn't me."
"We're just friends. Haven't you wondered why I haven't said anything? Nothing could happen between us." I can feel my voice breaking.
"No. I love him still. As much as I did when I first said it, even more. But I love Itache just as much too."
"Then decide ev."
"No! Because either way I still lose to you and I wont let that happen!"
"But you'll end up breaking both of their hearts instead of just one! Which is better ev? To love and be loved in return, or love but be hated by those you care so much about?"
"Don't you lecture me on this!"
"Ev. You have to decide. K1lled or Smiley?" Ev is silent. She looks as though she's on the brink of tears. Well, my theory was spot on, k1tty will be proud.
"Why didn't you tell me you loved K1lled?"
"Because you were with him."
"You should've told me."
"Maybe. But I couldn't. Things were…comfortable. It seemed daft to ruin it all."
"But you love him."
"My image of true love being perfect when down the toilet 2 years ago. When I fell in love with K1lled, I realised there was no going back. Maybe it isn't the perfect, ideal true love, but its buried so deep inside me now, I don't want to let go." Ev walks over to the phone, picking it up. "What are you doing?"
"I need to talk to K1lled." I scramble past the couch and try to reason with her. "I cant keep this up anymore, loving two people. Two brothers. And you…he deserves to know."
"Ev, please. Things are fine the way they are. Just give yourself time to figure stuff out and then I'll be there to give my shoulder to whoever needs to cry on it."
"No, Smiley." She dials the number and I wait. He's not meant to find out, especially over a phone. "Hi, K1lled. Its ev. Yeah, everything's fine. Listen, I need you to come round. We have to talk."
Crap and double crap. Oh dear god help me. I think my brain is about to burst. Is there a doctor in the house? Because I, Smiley the Roamer, am going to need one by the time tonight is over.